HIDING/ISOLATE

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Wazzup guys,

Just wanna share a part of my LITTLE story.


When I'm here in Sarawak, It is a kind of mission that is floating. Like a boat that is floating on the sea. Means, I have no solid reason.

How come I left West Malaysia and live here?? It's might be only a temporary decision.

I need a place for me to isolate my self. I'm not hiding  myself.

Eventually, i will face those people. Those people that I only pray for them. It's sort of too late at this moment. But that is only the best way that i can do.

I quit disappointed with my self, I'm not afford to make a decision yet..


But do not judge me...

My parents were divorced.

I don't even know who is my father. I'm a girl that was abandoned by her father.

Then, my journey became so complicated.

Give me time. Give me space.

I'm fragile my dear.

FRESH GRADUATE

Assalamualaikum readers..

Hye...

Alhamdulillah, last July I completely finished my study here in UNIMAS. Unexpectedly, I've got dean list for my last sem ( NAMPAK SGT B4 THIS XDPT DEAN LIST).  For an average student like me, grad with second upper class for an Engineering course is cool ( First class degree is CGPA bout 3.7).


So what is my next step? What is my next move? How/Where/When should i create my PATH in this life?

Currently, im working as RA at my faculty..but im still undecided. HUHU.

Should i proceed with Master or Work??

What do you wanna be in this life?? Lecturer or Engineer??

What kind of life do you want??


For me, when im making any decision, i will consider my aim and my priority. This life is NEVER be easy like 1, 2, 3... NEVER EVER..TRUST ME. Your decision today will effect your entire life.

Sometimes, I feel so awkward with CERTAIN type of people. This type of people DEFINE success in life, when we have lots of money, great carrier or being SOMEONE.

For me, searching the meaning of your life is much more important that full fill for your ambition.

Or now im being AWKWARD..Hehe

Let say, when im 50 years old ( 36 years from now)

I've became an engineer, i have lots of money, cars, big house..Is that type of life that i want??

NO..100% NO..

MONEY is not my first priority. Money is important but there are others thing that have bigger value than money.

That is why i wanna be lecturer. For me, academician is cool.

ANYTHING MAKE YOU CLOSER TO ALLAH IS THE BEST

Then, should i proceed with my master?? im really confuse

My aim is to be lecturer but my priority is my MOM.

At this 24 years old it is your time to give 'berbakti' to your parents not ask for their money anymore. Im luckier than my other frens because if i continue with my master my fee is insyaallah free and get an allowance 1K or 1.6 K per month.

TO BE CONT..( MALAS PLAK AKU NAK TULIS)

Abah, you are not step father for me. you are real father

Assalamualaikum...

Abah dah pulang ke rahmatullah 22. April 2013. Masa first year dulu, selalu doa kat Allah..xde ape2 yg akan jadi kat family sepanjang 4 tahun study kat UNIMAS nnt. Yela, kan dok jauh. Perancangan Allah hanya Allah yang lebih mengetahui.  Di saat aku nk struggle untuk final sem ni. Allah ambik abah...


Tenanglah Abah di sana..Ain sayang abah sgt2..This emptiness remind me everyhing bout you. I miss you so much abah.


Cukuplah aku dan Allah aje yg tahu..macamne keadaan aku.

This path, is not my choice. Dengan ikhlas hati, ain redha dengan ketentuan Allah. Cukuplah Allah ada.

Malu, malu sangat ngn Allah...Im the one that not grateful.

Few months ago, I blame Allah..Why, abah got cancer??why??

Forgive me Allah. Ain mmg jahil

EX

Assalamualaikum..

When im writing this blog is just like, im writing my own diary...

A bit shocked....when ur ex is getting enganged or married.

Just now, i stalked my ex fb and i noticed that he will belong to someone else soon.


There is nothing to be scared, hoped, or sad.

But, i cant lie to my own self . The truth  is im still hoping on him.

My Beloved Abah...ain sayang abah sangat.

Im just came back from library. Commonly, library is the most conducive study place to me, but not tonight.I cant even do any work. Why??????

Too many things cross over my mind. Too much think...Too many problems.


Im trying to not push my self so hard lately. In these few months, Allah is  really testing me.Yes, im the choosen one.

Tapi Ain manusia biasa ya Allah

Abah is fighting on his last stage brain cancer.....Mama is having her difficult time. Why always us Allah???

Im dont really mind bout myself but please, not my mama. It's tearin me down if i know she sad.

My real dad leave us when my sister and me were little.Last time i met my dad was 17 years ago.Now im 24 years old.

HUHU

Bagilah mama bahagia ya Allah, please..i beg you

Im crying when im writing this entry. Just a little reminder from me to you who are reading this...
Appreciate every single thing that you have

ewww.....Hospital

Alhamdulillah..x-tray result doesnt show any abnormality but then ACL, PCL, tendon injuries are suspected. I tried to call mama few times to inform her bout my condition but i cant reached her. Doctor said, i might need to do fisio or operation..MINTAK JAUH PLEZ...XMO OPERATE

THANK YOU ALLAH..every time that im far from Him..He will remind me in any way He wants. It might be a sign from the Almighty.

WHY??

Im not a good person..bukan sebab nak merendah diri ke ape..but honestly, im not.


I felt a bit gulity towards my first year electronic students. I cancelled my classs this morning because i rushed to General Hospital. Include this time, im cancelled their class for two times.( kalau aku, lecturer cancel class mmg rasa nak guling2 sbb hepi). But these students, they have their mid term in this coming 20 April. I've been busy with my fyp and berfoya-foya, cant really focused on them.HUHU...APOLIGISE guys!! miss aien will try to cover up the syllabus.

to be continued....hehehe

notes: Pray for me

Dear Dad......

a little life story from ain

Sometimes life is never up to our expectation..


2011


Rindu hati ini nak menatap wajah ayah..Apa khabar agaknya ayah?Ayah tak ingat ke dengan anak-anak ayah?Mungkin ayah tak sedar aku dan kakak dah besar panjang.Aku manusia biasa,kadang-kadang hati ini nak sangat jumpa ayah.


Banyak hati nak kena jaga.Banyak hati dah terluka.Biarpun dah lama tapi parut tetap ada.Pernah sekali adik ayah datang rumah,ajak aku dengan kakak balik rumah dia,nak kenal saudara mara belah ayah..tapi.. ada hati aku nak kena jaga.


Dulu pernah arwah nenek cakap nanti dah besar carilah ayah.Itu dulu.Aku masih mentah,belum kenal erti hidup.Sungguh,aku selalu cemburu bila tengok kawan-kawanku ada ayah.Itu ayah,ini ayah.Bila nak basikal,ayah belikan,bila nak mainan ayah belikan.Time kat MRSM pun sama,tiap2 ujung minggu ada aje family datang melawat ,tapi aku??Siapa yang aku ada??


Alhamdulillah,sekarang anak ayah dah besar.Anak ayah dah pandai bawak diri.Cuma time menulis entry ini,hati anak ayah terluka.Sangat terluka.Tak ada tempat anak ayah nak mengadu kecuali Maha-Esa.




"andainya tiada menyayangiku,aku redha ya Allah,
cukupla hamba-MU tidak membenciku''